Jul 18, 2019 Published 6:30 PM EDT, Thu July 18, 2019 Jaylen Alexander was arrested in Florida after attempting to steal a car from an elderly man, police said. PHOTO: Orange County Sheriff's Office. The Top ‘Florida Man' Stories of 2019 It was another banner year for 'Florida Man' in 2019, as he made news across the globe for all the wrong reasons.
Ah, that ever mythical Florida Man. Yes, there are many men in Florida, but you know what we mean. The whole genre of bizarre news headlines that come out of Florida, usually involving a man doing something so bizarre that we just have to laugh. Well, laugh or cry depending. Even so, there are dozens of Florida Man memes across the internet. Some websites will count down the weirdest ones per year.
So it’s time to chuckle through the COVID-19 pandemic by looking at some of the best Florida Man memes and wonder is Florida even real?
1. Florida man who allegedly threatened family with Coldplay lyrics ends standoff after SWAT promises him pizza
That whole headline is a drama unto itself. For real though, most of us would probably want to end a standoff with SWAT with a pizza party, but only in Florida. We’re more curious as to how someone threatens with Coldplay lyrics.
2. Florida man caught on security camera licking doorknob for three hours
Florida Man July 11
Okay, Florida, we’re not going to tell you how to live your life. Maybe, however, hold off on the doorknob licking until after the pandemic is over. Or, you know, at least sanitize the doorknob before you go to town on it with your tongue.
3. Florida man steals and crashes $61,000 boat belonging to dentist who shot Cecil the Lion
There’s definitely some form of karma in that headline. We salute you, Florida Man. Sometimes you’re too much to handle, but other times you balance the scales of the universe in the best way possible. Also, don’t shoot lions.
4. Florida man ripped urinal from restaurant bathroom, ran away naked into the woods
Someone read the SparkNotes summary of Thoreau’s Walden’s Pond and only came away with half of the meaning of it, didn’t they? Return to the wild, Florida Man, and run free away from the ills of society and how we are all disconnected from each other.
5. Florida man sent back to jail after not paying for taxi ride home from jail
We know that some people can’t handle living on the outside after leaving the correctional system. We didn’t think it would take that fast, Florida Man. You okay, bro?
6. Police unable to tow Florida man’s illegally parked Flintstones car
Okay, if you know The Flintstones theme song, then sing along. “Florida! This is Florida! It’s a state right out of mystery! Down in Pensacola, it’s a good idea to park illegally!” (Side note: we don’t know if this takes place in Pensacola.)
7. Florida man disguises himself in bull costume as he tries to burn down his former lover’s house with pasta sauce
That is the face of a man who knew exactly what he was doing and has zero regrets about it. You do you, Florida man, you do you.
8. Florida man charged with picking magic mushrooms while carrying an alligator
The only way this Florida Man meme could be any more Florida as if the guy was on meth and/or bath salts at some point during this story.
Florida Man July 8
Cameron Jefferson, 38, was arrested for possession of cocaine and cannabis in Tallahassee. While he was at the drive-thru teller window of a bank, he decided it would be a clever idea to throw in some drugs with the $200 dollar deposit. Needless to say, his prank wasn’t taken lightly and officials were called in immediately. Further investigation of Jefferson’s car led to the discovery of three marijuana cigarettes. $3000 in bail was posted by Jefferson after his arrest.
Florida Man July 11
Cocaine possession of any amount is always going to be a felony. Marijuana can range from a misdemeanor to a felony, depending on the amount. Big time rush full album. Sometimes a small fine will be cited to the offender and handled just like a speeding ticket. The amount was not totally specified in the article, but given the cost of the bond the amount of drugs was most likely not too large. Jefferson was arrested for possession, but a variety of other charges may come about from a drug-related incident. Some of these charges may be cultivation/growth of a narcotic, delivery of illegal drugs, fraudulent sale or possession of a prescription drug, or possession of drugs with intent to sell.
Heroin, cocaine, marijuana, and illegal prescription pills carry hefty criminal penalties that everyone should be aware of. If you have been arrested for any sort of drug possession, trafficking, or other illegal activity, be sure to contact a criminal lawyer in your area immediately. South Florida criminal lawyer Ralph Behr has more than 30 years of experience in criminal law. Know who you are hiring and know your lawyer. Free consultations are available by appointment at his Fort Lauderdale law office.